I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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