Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
