how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
