you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
