my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
