If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
