Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
