Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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