i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize