it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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