Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
