i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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