I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
