Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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