He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
