In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
