haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
