also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
