Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
