I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
