I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
