The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
