the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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