Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
