well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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