i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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