I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
