How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
