dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
