no, he came in my armpit
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
