Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
