I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
