it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
