My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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