dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
