So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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