Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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