is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
