That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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