hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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