I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
