any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
