turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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