It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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