note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
