where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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