There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
