Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
