her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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