Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
