i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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