I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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